Making Progress

I am making progress. WooHoo!!!

Everyday, I am still gathering bags and boxes of items to donate, cleaning, organizing and decluttering. I am getting rid of those books I purchased but did not like enough to read more than once, the shoes from a friend that were a bit too large, the plastic food containers that are worn out, clothing that has ‘shrunk’ or has not yet come back into fashion. Why did I keep them? Why was saving them?

Why do I hold on to any of the junk in my life? Fear? habit? Whatever the reason, I am done…I am pressing forward to fix it.

Everyday, I am working diligently to take every thought captive. I am getting rid of bad attitudes, stinking thinking, and self loathing. I am learning to believing about myself the things that are true…and learning to reject the lies about me that the enemy has been able to get me to digest day after day and year after year.

I am learning to let go of people….people whom I thought were sincere in their profession of love, friendship, but who’s actions showed otherwise. Letting go of those who want my friendship as long as they are in need, but when I am in need pull away of disappear. Letting go of those who want to only take, and take and take…

I am learning that I can still be me, still give without being stepped on, without being taken from.

I am learning. I am growing. I am stronger.


Prayer and Fasting – 2/13/12

Living By Prayer

O God of the open ear,

Teach me to live by prayer as well as by providence,
for myself, soul, body, children, family, church;

Give me a heart frameable to thy will;
so I might live in prayer,
and honor thee,
being kept from evil, known and unknown.

Help me to see the sin that accompanies all I do,
and the good I can distill from everything.

Let me know that the work of prayer is to bring my will to thine,
and that without this it is folly to pray;

When I try to bring thy will to mine it is to command Christ,
to be above him, and wiser than he;
this is my sin and pride.

I can only succeed when I pray
according to thy precept and promise,
and to be done with as it pleases thee,
according to thy sovereign will.

When thou commandest me to pray for pardon, peace, brokenness,
it is because thou wilt give me the thing promised,
for Thy glory, as well as for my good.

Help me not only to desire small things
but with holy boldness to desire great things
for thy people, for myself,
that they and I might live to show thy glory.

Teach me that it is wisdom for me to pray for all I have,
out of love, willingly, not of necessity;

that I may come to thee at any time,
to lay open my needs acceptably to thee;

that my great sin lies in my not keeping the savour of thy ways;
that the remembrance of this truth is one way to the sense of Thy presence;

that there is no wrath like the wrath of being governed
by my own lusts for my own ends.

~Valley of Vision


Buildling up steam

Still moving along at getting my house back in order. I have gotten three more bags of trash out and two more bag of donation items. Washed down three book cases and dusted each book that resides in them. That is only half of the book cases that are in the living room…There are 8 more in the basement.

Along with the decluttering, I am doing spring cleaning and trying to keep on top of regular housework so I don’t fall farther behind. <—- I have to remind myself of that so I don't get discouraged at my progress. LOL

Found some treasures along the way…a wooden box full of coins…Will talk them to the bank tomorrow…That was a fun find. I also found my Honorable discharge pin from the Navy…It was not in my jewelry box the last time I cleaned it out and I thought it was lost for good.

Not only am I cleaning up the house but trying to get other areas 'cleaned up' as well. I have been trying to eat better and am putting steps into place to save money. I know I need to work on strengthening my body though exercise…I will do it…I will.

I feel I am in a good place right now…emotionally…I am feeling content, relaxed and calm…most of the time. That is a huge improvement, one that I am extremely thankful for. I feel that I am stronger now and think that I have begun to get a bit of weatherproofing on my back–you know, enabling things to 'roll off'.;)


little progress

Wow, I did not realize just how much stuff could fit into a tiny room.

So it looks like I am moving at a snails pace though my ‘transformation’. 😦

I worked diligently thought the room for a week…then took the last few weeks off. I kept coming across things of my mom’s and it would overwhelm me emotionally.

I found a hand written 8 page letter that mom had given to me several years ago. I remembered the general continence of the letter, but could not resist sitting down to read it again…the tears just started rolling…so did the flood of emotions. Good, bad and everything in between.

All that to say…haven’t been back in the room…until today.

I wasn’t totally useless though…I did do a thorough cleaning of my bedroom. Bedroom, not the bedroom closet…yet. I spent a week with Buster and a few days hanging out with girl friends. The girls from work also though me a going a way party. And I have been studying up on how to Can fruits and veggies. Did you know you can Can anything? Butter, meat, chili…it’s like a whole world I never knew about.

So, I am back in the room, enjoying the empty space on the book shelves where the unwanted books used to gather. I got rid of several bags of junk, give away items and loads of books. I am amazed a how freeing it was to get all of that clutter out of the house. I am actually looking forward to getting rid of more stuff…want some? 😉


With what shall I come before the Lord

“With what shall I come before the LORD, and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? ~Micah 6:6

This year I want to come before the Lord with everything…’Heart With all your Soul. With all your Mind With all your Strength”

I think I am getting better and feel like I am beginning with a fresh start on many levels…So…I am going to try to record my efforts here.

With all my strength…

Starting today I am going room by room and starting my spring cleaning…sorting, cleaning, and donating…every drawer, every closet, every corner…I am too ashamed to show before pictures but hope to be able to show after pictures. I have been severely lacking in my household duties…in many of my duties. Each Wed. I will try to post an update of my progress.

Starting with the worst room of the house -my sewing room -better known as the junk room. lol I remember as a child we were allowed to have one drawer of misc items…how we ended up with a house full of misc items I will never know. With some elbow grease and lots of determination I hope to fix that…

wish me luck 😉


my poker face

Working with the public and on a blog for several years has taught me something about myself…I have a handicap of sorts….I have an awful poker face!

I used to think that having a poker face was only useful when playing the game poker…lol silly, I know…shows you what I know…or don’t know.

Well it seems that a poker face is needed every day…

Like…
at church…’how are you?” – activate poker face ‘fine, thanks’
at work….’you are an idiot’ – activate poker face ‘ thank you, have a nice day.”

you get the idea…I didn’t…lol took me so long to learn the lesson…or is it a game? I still don’t know. Maybe I haven’t learned the lesson/game after all…do I really want to? not so much.

God tells us to let our yeses by yes and our nos be no…right? does that mean the same for our expressions? dunno…

I am not a good liar…never have been…give myself away every time…besides that my memory is not good enough to keep up with all the twists and turns lies create…lol you should see me trying to read a mystery novel…have to take notes to keep up. lol

Got me into a lot of trouble at work. My poker face deficiency would give away what I was thinking every time…if I was board, it would show, annoyed it would show, amused -yep, there it was shining brightly across my face….Nothing fans the flames of an angry customer faster than a giggle from the person they are yelling at and trying to intimidate…it struck me as funny and I could not for the life of me engage that poker face…thought he was going to hit me, I really did…

I started thinking I should try to put on a poker face…that is what professional, respectable people do, how they act, right? so … I figured out how to get that poker face…a mask…that will work, right? wrong…I lost myself behind it…not a good thing when you already struggle with liking yourself…made me like myself even less…and as it turned out was just a lie in disguise.

I was starting to believe their thoughts of me…that I was not good at what I did…but you know what? They are wrong! I am good at what I do…and do it the best I know how. I brought a lot- A LOT- to them…where ever God has me at the time I always do my best…and it is good.

I am not a proud, boastful person by nature…but this I am sure of…I succeeded at my job…I was there just over 3 years and I know without a doubt that I made positive impacts on everyone I interacted with and that they will be hard pressed to replace me. I am proud of what I accomplished there.

Now on to my next adventure! 😉


Prayer Requests 11/14/11

The Power of Persevering Prayer.
….all the mysteries of the prayer world the need of persevering prayer is one of the greatest. That the Lord, who is so loving and longing to bless, should have to be asked, time after time, sometimes year after year, before the answer comes, we cannot easily understand. It is also one of the greatest practical difficulties in the exercise of believing prayer. When, after persevering pleading, our prayer remains unanswered, it is often easiest for our lazy flesh, and it has all the appearance of pious submission, to think that we must now cease praying, because God may have His secret reason for withholding His answer to our request.It is by faith alone that the difficulty is overcome. When once faith has taken its stand on God’s word and the Name of Jesus, and has yielded itself to the leading of the Spirit to seek God’s will and honor alone in its prayer, it need not be discouraged by delay. It knows from Scripture that the power of believing prayer is simply irresistible; real faith can never be disappointed. It knows that just as water, to exercise the irresistible power it can have, must be gathered up and accumulated until the stream can come down in full force, so there must often be a heaping up of prayer until God sees that the measure is full, when the answer comes. It knows that just as the peasant farmer has to take his ten thousand steps to sow his tens of thousands seeds, each one a part of the preparation for the final harvest, so there is a need for often repeated persevering prayer, all working out some desired blessing. It knows for certain that not a single believing prayer can fail of its effect in heaven, but has its influence, and is treasured up to work out an answer in due time to him who perseveres to the end. It knows that it has to do, not with human thoughts or possibilities, but with the word of the living God. And so, even as Abraham through so many years “who against hope believed in hope” (Romans 4:18), and then “followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” (Hebrews 6:12)

….

The insight into this truth leads the believer to cultivate the corresponding dispositions: patience and faith, waiting and anticipating, are the secret of his perseverance. By faith in the promise of God, we know that we have the petitions we have asked of Him. Faith takes and holds the answer in the promise as an unseen spiritual possession, rejoices in it, and praises for it. But there is a difference between the faith that thus holds the word and knows that it has the answer and the clearer, fuller, riper faith that obtains the promise as a present experience. It is in persevering, not unbelieving, but confident and praising prayer, that the soul grows up into that full union with its Lord in which it can enter upon the possession of the blessing in Him. There may be in these around us, there may be in that great system of being of which we are part, there may be in God’s government, things that have to be put right through our prayer before the answer can fully come: the faith that has, according to the command, believed that it has received, can allow God to take His time; it knows it has prevailed and must prevail. In quiet, persistent, and determined perseverance it continues in prayer and thanksgiving until the blessing comes. And so we see combined what at first sight appears contradictory–the faith that rejoices in the answer of the unseen God as a present possession and the patience that cries day and night until it be revealed. The quickness of God’s patience is met by the triumphant but patient faith of His waiting child…..

~Andrew Murray